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New Beginnings: Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn

Getting over a relationship that's way past it's hold-on date? Here are some practical (?!) tips to Bandaid that broken heart, pronto!

We are told that there is a fragment of womankind that loves to welter in the aftermath of a heart break. For the rest of us who can’t wait to move on, we have some great heart mending advice. Do share some tips of your own!

They said the only way to get over a broken heart is to fall in love again. So I fell in love with myself. Best fucking relationship of my life

My dear X:

Thank you for wanting to wish me on my birthday. And for wishing me on new year’s. And telling me about your vacation plans. And your reading list. And the name of your poodle.

And the name of your wife. And the link to her website.

What exactly were you thinking? Was it a case of gamesmanship, a look-what-a-cool-wife-I-got? If that’s the case, good for both of you, says moi. But if I know you (and I could be horribly mistaken here), this wasn’t about scoring a point.

So what, then? Possibly it was just a polite bringing-two-women-together. But did you really think that I would visit the blog, read her posts, drop her a note about her Wodehouse-ish wit or Kafka-esque insights? And she would reply in kind, one of us would invite the other for coffee, and we would soon become bosom buddies who would exchange notes on a myriad topics ranging from the best way to make prawn curry to how you are in bed? And we would all live happily ever after.

Dear Red Bag Women,

D.H. Lawrence may have enjoyed his “heart to be broken” (is it any wonder he wrote Sons & Lovers), but for us Red Bag Women, there is none of the “lovely, dawn-kaleidoscopic within the crack” joy when a treasured relationship comes to an end. So before you head for the cricket bat or get arrested for stalking him, here are some practical tips to help mend your heart.

1. Get a new haircut: Empirical evidence shows that a woman signals her readiness for a major change in her life when she gets a new hairstyle.  And while any time is a great time to get a completely new look, the best time for that transmogrification is definitely after a break up. So go ahead and get your hair chopped off or curled, get a dash of blue or a head full of auburn – and watch the Dopamine surge faster than Usain Bolt’s wonder legs. Don’t forget to practice your best grin for all the compliments you are going to receive and remember to book a table at the latest club in town. And after you’ve let your hair down dear Rapunzel, don’t feel shy in nudging a common friend to post some pictures – there’s no better way to say “I don’t give a damn” and “Having second thoughts?” in one go.

2. Delete his number from your phone book: There is an extremely high probability that you’ll feel like calling him in the middle of the night to tell him how much you miss him, or send him a text or an email telling him what a SOB he is. The inconvenient truth is that none of this will help. So the best thing is to chuck him into your Recycle Bin, however painful it may seem.

3. Stuff your free time with frenetivity : The Beatles got by With a little help from my friends, and so will you. Get your best friends to stay over and check on you. Plan your weekends and free time – catch up on all the chick flicks and rom coms that he frowned upon, organize a Pajama Party or go on a weekend excursion. If nothing else works, just play Pink at full volume and clean out your parents’ cupboards – any form of frenetic activity that keeps you away from thinking of the good ol’ times. And since you’re being such a good girl, try not to binge all the time (it’s ok sometimes, we’re not heartless women!). Go for a run, or better still, try kickboxing – imagine his face as you practice the punches and see yourself turn into a pro in a matter of days. And don’t hesitate to have a good cry – sometimes.

4. Figure out a hobby: It could be the Barista course you always wanted to take or a pottery workshop that your best friend is signing up for. This is the best time to pick up that list of things you’d like to do some day and pour all your heart and hurt and fury and frustration into it. It’s also a fantastic opportunity to meet new people, and what better start to finding your soul mate than doing something you enjoy!

5. Write a diary:  It’s natural to be plagued with self doubt at this stage, to go over all that was said and done in microscopic detail to figure out if you could have done something different. Keeping a personal diary is a great way to vent all the insecurities and anger and fear and resentment that you feel, without harming anyone.

And if all else fails, take a swig of gin, grab your best friend’s phone, and wish him a life of ” fried in a hot oven for the rest of the eternity, you a*hole”, just as Geet did to Anshuman in Jab We Met.

Finally, our advice for the unfortunate mammals called Men: We at My Big Red Bag don’t believe in that jaded adage of “Hell hath had no fury like a woman scorned” (we have better things to do than chase you down), but we do suggest you pay heed to Dorothy Parker’s wise words :

Shoot if you must, but hold in view; Women and elephants never forget

Read the full version of Dorothy Parker’s Ballad of Unfortunate Mammals

Image courtesy Free Grunge Textures – via Compfight cc

2 Comments on New Beginnings: Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn

  1. Very witty and well crafted

  2. Impressive,exciting,informative,entertaining.Hats off to the editorial team.

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