The books we can’t wait to see as Bollywood movies- good and bad!
Since Haider was near perfect, and Fitoor sounds promising (let’s just ignore the idea of Ms. Kaif as Estella, shall we?); and because Karan Johar is apparently making a movie version of our favourite weepie The Fault in Our Stars with Varun Dhawan and Deepika Padukone (the two actors least likely to pass as salty, ailing teenagers), let’s just search for some of our favourite books, and plan between us how Bollywood can make them sublime or ridiculous.
What it is about: A murder mystery, a marital drama, tons of psychological twists and turns.
The version we’d like to see: Sriram Raghavan makes a noir inspired version with Huma Qureshi playing Amazing Amy, and Saif Ali Khan playing a suave/dangerous Nick Dunne.
The version we’ll probably get: Fresh from the success of Bang Bang, Siddharth Anand directs Katrina Kaif and Hrithik Roshan in Gone Gone, now with extra Greek locales.
What it is about: A 4-handkerchiefs-required romance that revisits its male and female protagonists at the same time every year for twenty years, while they go through heartbreaks, relationships and family trouble. When WILL they realize they’re meant for each other?
The version we’d like to see: No one does casual liberal entitlement as well as Zoya Akhtar. So how about she directs Sidharth Malhotra and Kalki Koechlin in this?
The version we’ll probably get: Karan Johar directs Alia Bhat and Ranbir Kapoor, emphasising the hero’s relationship with his parents played by Kapoor’s real life parents.
Nineteen Eighty Four
What it is about: Big Brother is Watching. Dystopia. Doomed romances. Strident political commentary.
The version we’d like to see: Dibakar Banerjee, with Nawazuddin Siddiqui as Winston, and Kangana Ranaut in a heartbreaking cameo as Julia.
The version we’ll probably get: Only one man can fight the powers that be and take the world out of this quagmire with the power of his fist. Salman Khan In And As Bigggg Brother. Directed by Sohail Khan. Produced by Arbaaz Khan. Special Appearance by Malaika Arora Khan.
Only one man can fight the powers that be and take the world out of this quagmire-with the goodness of his heart and the power of a hug. Rajkumar Hirani directs Aamir Khan in Lage Raho, Winston.
What it is about: The ignominy of aging. The callowness of youth. Parental love and the toll it takes.
The version we’d like to see: Not one but three powerful roles for women- each with their own motivations and wiles. How about an all-women cast with the (Queen) Lear played by Waheeda Rehman, Madhuri Dixit as Goneril, Urmila Matondkar as Regan, and young naif Parineeti Chopra as Cordelia? And since it’s a Shakespearean adaptation, only Vishal Bharadwaj will do as a director.
The version we’ll probably get: Surely we can turn the sisters into brothers and lose nothing of the plot when it is transcribed on to a Priyadarshan-directed farce with Paresh Rawal as Lear and Akshay Kumar as Cordelia, while two lesser members of his retinue play the moustache-twirling older brothers? Can’t wait.
A Suitable Boy
What it is about: Men. Women. Love. Independence. Nehru’s India. The Great Indian Family
The version we’d like to see: We’ve spent so much time thinking about this we could write the script ourselves! But the short version is that we need a new young actress as Lata (although perhaps Sonakshi Sinha could do her justice), with Fawad Khan as Kabir, Sushant Singh Rajput as Haresh and Ali Zafar as Amit Chatterjee. We don’t care who directs it (maybe Vinil Mathew from Hasee to Phasee?) but do think it will make a much better mini series than a movie. And don’t even get us started on our favourites Maan and Feroz!
The version we’ll probably get: A Sanjay Leela Bhansali big noise production with Deepika Padukone as Lata, Ranveer Singh (wink wink) as Haresh, Ranbir Kapoor (wink wink wink) as Amit Chatterjee and Siddharth Malhotra as Kabir.
What about you dear reader? Which are the books you dread/can’t wait for Bollywood to turn into a blockbuster? Tell us in the comments below!