Will the recent diplomatic kerfuffle mean no more Cabernet Sauvignon for our ladies?
(For a quick reminder of the characters: read here)
Naina: No mummy, I was not drunk in those pictures. It was just the flash . The light just shone right into my eyes, and you know how difficult it gets with the mascara after a while. Who taught you how to use Facebook anyway? Accha, so listen, as I was telling you- the party went exactly as planned. I asked Shabri to make the same Kalmi Kebabs that her mother makes during Daddy’s cocktail hour. Yes, Shabri is happy in Gurgaon. She was asking for a raise the other day, saying that her brother who works as a driver at the factory is now getting insurance, but I asked her right away if her brother was also allowed to sit and watch Diyaa aur Baati all afternoon on Star Plus? That shut her up. So yes, as I was saying, there were Kalmi Kebabs, and for the rest of the menu we found this catering company which does excellent Lucknawi stuff. Totally authentic. Just like our childhood at Nanaji’s club. And it’s winters so I could wear that vintage pashmina that we bought together- the burgundy one- you remember?
Arre, I had to invite Lotty. She is on a juice cleanse so she was the only one who didn’t eat the kebabs. Yes, I didn’t eat too much mummy. And I am going to the gym also regularly. I know that a woman’s only true wealth is her figure -and her diamonds also na mummy? Why do we always forget about the diamonds. Poor Divya, she better be saving up those diamonds for IkTara, since there is sooooo much figure to pay for.
I was just complaining to Vinay the other day that for my wedding you gave me all those heavy gold sets, we should have just bought some solitaires and classy diamonds. No one is wearing gold any more in Gurgaaon . Jadaau is still in fashion mummy, you are not listening to what I am saying. It’s just those TV-serial type big-big gold chains. No one wears those any more- they look tacky and artificial. So anyway, of course Lotty didn’t eat any of the kebabs. Personally I am not such a fan of muscles on ladies, that woman has started looking like whats-her-name that cricket commentary woman? But you know I think Vinay is a bit impressed with her. He keeps telling me how she has run some ultra marathon thing somewhere? Arre, good for her if she did. Am sure she has to run that far to catch a boy anyway ha ha ha. Arre, Mr. Singhania toh she caught because he was hobbling on a cane, naa.
No Joya ji couldn’t come. She was at the Parliament house no. She has been there for the last three days, mummy. Some diplomatic row. Anyways, if she was at the party I couldn’t exactly have served the California wines could I? She’s boycotting everything American these days – good thing we are not fighting the Scottish na- Vinay toh won’t be able to handle an evening without his Scotch. But listen, you keep distracting me. About the kebabs…
Ambar: I don’t listen to f****ing Miley man. You should try death metal.
IkTara: But she’s cool you know. In a world where like so much is artificial and women are forced to behave in particular ways for men, you know, be things and all, she is all about the self expression
Ambar: Haha! She’s about as cool as that uncle Shahrukh Khan that Naina aunty keeps talking about. Or about as cool as Pammiji.
IkTara: Hey I like Pammiji! When I was a baby she always gave me Toblerones from uncle’s foreign trips. And she keeps forgetting how old I am. Every birthday I still get an American Girl doll from her even though I stopped playing with dolls, like six years ago.
Ambar: Anyway who cares about Pammiji and her basmati, man? I just want to get lost in the eyes of Naughty Lotty!
IkTara: Ambar, are you sure it’s her eyes you are talking about?
Ambar: You girls’ve such filthy minds, man. I like her for her ….. personality. I am soooooo bored. You want to come out to Amby?
IkTara: Let me check with Neetu didi. But mummy is no longer giving me any money since she worries I will spend it all on food. You have to buy me a Pumpkin Latte at Starbucks.
Ambar: Jaa, tu bhi kya yaad rakhegi. I will buy you a Pumpkin Latte and also a choco-chip muffin. But only if you leave right now. Just don’t Instagram us after. We are supposed to be ‘off America’. Remember?
Joyaji, I really admire you, I do. Believe me, what you have done for the children from the Zamrudpur slum- it was not an easy task. And I have never been able to carry these Handloom type-sarees as expertly as you do. That’s why Deekayji also insists I wear only pure silk. And I agree with what you are saying about America. Arre, even my daughter there had so many problems in finding a reliable maid. There was a woman from Guatemala- but she would absolutely refuse to stay for more than 4 hours at a time. And she refused to iron Sweetie’s Diors! Said that she should send them to the dry cleaners, that’s not her job. No one here speaks like that JoyaJi.
But to boycott everything American? Arre, that is just not practical naa. My son-in-law, very nice boy, downloaded all these beautiful satsangs and put them in an I Pod for me. Arre satvachan is satvachan, even if it’s coming from inside an American machine naa. So why are you petitioning so hard Joyaji? Relax na, have some tea with us. Mata will take care of everything- even America.