The ABC … and W of the Lok Sabha Elections 2014
This has been the most soap-operatic of all our Elections, hasn’t it? With irresponsible statements, mystery spouses, fervid fan-doms and (when you think about it) no promise of real change! Ekta Kapoor and her team couldn’t have scripted it better.
If the spin cycle and the rhetoric is getting to you too, here’s a quick primer on the best, the worst and the most absurd from the Lok Sabha Elections 2014!
A- Aam Aurat: The beleaguered Aam Aurat can’t win, can she? Her namesake Party seems diminished, thanks to a series of poor decisions and vicious media attacks, and the best she can do now is to cast her vote for the ‘least’ bad of the alternatives.
B-Bal Narendra: There’s blind faith and then there’s this
C-Chaiwalla: While The Lutyens’ residents show how out of touch they are with reality, by using the word as a pejorative, Modi himself continues to fool the electorate with his ‘connect’ maska maar ke
D-Didigiri (Mamta Banerjee): Or Reason 101 why we don’t think Women Politicians alone are the answer.
E-Escape Velocity: (See also Toffee, Poverty is a State of Mind), or the gaffe strewn political career of Rahul Gandhi. We aren’t sure whether its the BJP’s spin machine or his own other-wordliness which is responsible for projecting Rahul Gandhi as some sort of a Shakespearean fool. All we know is that is it near impossible to take him seriously now.
F-Fifty-six inch chest: A representation of all the patriarchal BS that passed as political rhetoric in this silly season!
G-Goswami, Arnab: Whatever else happens in this Election, we are sure there will be enough and more reasons to keep him flying into apoplectic rage for the next 5 years.
H-History: The selective amnesia over Godhra, the 1984 riots, the Emergency and Ayodhya makes us think that the politicians need a crash course in history (the real one, that is, not the revisionist version they’ve been peddling on to unsuspecting voters!)
I- The Idea of India: Are we Swarna Swaraj, or Bharat Mata, the play field for a dynasty, or the “world’s largest democracy“? Between all the rhetoric and drama, no wonder we don’t know our Left from Right any more.
J-Jashodaben: A litmus test for pro-Modi and anti-Modi factions. One side insists that the very mention of her implies a support of child marriages, and the other insists that the secrecy around her indicates a lack of transparency. All we know is that this is another ‘silenced’ woman in an army of millions.
K-Kumar, Nitish: Possibly the Last Man Standing with some sort of a Good Governance Record? No wonder he has been reduced to the role of “character actor” at best.
L-Laloo: Notable for his blessed absence from the political rigmarole, and for his impunity in hiding behind his family, from wife Rabri to daughter Misha!
M-Madam/Manmohan: This is one relationship whose dynamics we wish we understood better. What did she have on him to keep this otherwise intelligent man quiet for 10 years?
N-Nilekani: Or the rise of the technocrat political dabbler. We wish him the best but fear for the worst!
O-Order, Order!: Three cheers for the Supreme Court, the one (seemingly) incorruptible edifice of our nationhood. Now all they need to do is reverse the ruling on Section 377 and all will be forgiven.
P- Pink Pants: Robert Vadra’s Italian-Lothario-style salmon pink pants were the sartorial highlight of this Election! We want!
Q-Quotas: Or the mathematics of vote bank politics and appeasement. Everyone’s got their many coloured hats on, for now.
R-Rape Culture: Let’s not blame the men please for their tiny mistakes. After all, Bwoyz will be Bwoyz
S-Slapgate: The trigger happy Indian and his ‘dhai kilo ka haath’ that refuses to do much apart from attacking with gusto, whether in political rallies or through Status Messages on Facebook.
T-Tamil Nadu: Amma – ever the opportunist – is keeping her cards close to her chest, Stalin’s daddy dearest is suffering the consequences of some of the worst scams of the decade, and Rajnikanth has no qualms in being photographed with NaMo. It is anybody’s guess which way this electorate will lean.
U-Uttar Pradesh: Once again the ‘Kurukshetra’ as is its wont. Too bad nobody will think of it for another 4 and a half years now!
V-Varanasi: Where NaMo and Kejriwal duke it out. And while we don’t expect David to win this round against Goliath, we can’t help be a little impressed by his chutzpah in agreeing to take the big man on!
W-Womanifesto: 48% of the electorate, but where’s the politician who puts us first?
X- Extremism: Amit Shah, Abu Azam and the other polemicists who refuse to let the fires of communal tension peter out.
Y-Youth Vote: With 150 million first time voters in the age group of 18-23, everyone and their “social media wing” is desperate to appease to the “youths”. Vote wisely kids (and don’t text while driving!).
Z-Zindabad: To every single one of those who choose to exercise their electoral rights. It is easy to say “we don’t have a choice”. It is easy to not make the effort to re-register in your new location. But every one who jumps through the hoops to ensure her voice is heard deserves a shout out, and also a better Government than she is likely to get on the morning of 17th May.
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